'Blonde: The Marilyn Stories' DVD: TV Movies Bare All

 

The Film Chest Media December 6, 2021 3-disc DVD release "Blonde: The Marilyn Stories" is an awesome time-capsule. These three films (plus "wait there's more" bonus features) evoke terrific memories both of the titular It girl and the wonderfully cheesy made-for-TV-movies that made ratings sweeps months no-reason-to-feel-guilty pleasures. 

The fun starts with the 2001 two-part mini-series "Blonde," which is based on the fictionalized biopic by Joyce Carol Oates.

This one is the Goldilocks of the trio of biopics in this set. It is much tamer than the lascivious theatrical "Goodbye Norma Jean" (1976), which includes explicit nudity, but is more racy than "Marilyn and Me," (!991). The latter should not be confused with the 2001 theatrical film "My Week With Marilyn." 

"Blonde" essentially takes our subject from cradle to fame. Much of the focus is on the early childhood and wonder years of then-Norma-Jean Mortensen. 

This highly "Mommie Dearest" period of the life of the future star depicts her life with her comically unbalanced mother Gladys. The delusions that are passed onto our impressionable girl include that her absent father is a Hollywood power broker. Additionally, this Mama June on 'roids is the first of many who seek to exploit the beauty and talent of the not-yet-blonde bombshell.

The white-trash fun continues with Gladys having a wonderfully dramatic breakdown that results in her becoming a guest of the state in a publicly funded hospital and Norma Jean ending up living with her aunt. This leading to a probable "Lolita" situation prompts an essentially shot-gun marriage to a nice young man.

All of this commences a period of wonderfully lurid events as Norma-Jean fully begins her path to stardom. This generally involves falling in with the wrong crowd that includes a photographer that convinces her to go full Monty before the camera and an essentially Leopold and Loeb duo that come one element short of fully converting Norma-Jean into a life of sex, and drugs, and rock-and-roll.

The performance of future "Supernatural" star Jensen Ackles as a member of this menage-a-trois stands out in this a "very special" "The Love Boat" caliber cast of  past, current, and future stars that includes Ann- Margaret and Kirstie Alley. Alley passing away the daybefore the DVD release makes her good performance as the matchmaker of her ward notable. 

Although "Supernatural" fans will be disappointed that Patrick Dempsey plays Cass, who is the partner-in-crime to Ackles' Eddie, Ackles steals the show by channeling his stereotypical queen that occasionally surfaces in the life of Dean Winchester. 

This latter part of "Blonde" that also depicts the beginning-of-the-end of our subject additionally shows how the career of Monroe parallels that of Judy Garland, who suffers the same fate as her fellow legend. This reliance on prescription drugs to keep up with the demands of stardom is a totally ignored cautionary tale regarding the modern opioid crisis.

"Marilyn and Me" mostly focuses on the rise of our candle in the wind. This largely is portrayed in the context of the courtship and early marriage of Norma Jean and show-business journalist-turned-screenwriter Robert Slatzer. 

We see how the pair struggles to remain in the honeymoon period as the increasing demands of stardom strain their relationship. This includes the newly minted Monroe repeatedly calling on her possible soulmate for support as she runs afoul of the early Harvey Weinsteins in this period that predates the "me-too"era by several decades.

This one arguably has the most substance of the three. Not only does it focus on possibly the most loving and stable relationship of Monroe, but addresses the public image challenge that is more prevalent in the studio-system days than it is today. 

A combination of 50s-morality and wanting to give Eisenhower-era straight men a sense that Monroe is available to them is behind initially pressuring her to first not engage in pre-marital whoppie and Slatzer and to later get him to postpone putting a ring on it until the little woman has fully established her career.

Film Chest saves the most tawdry for last. "Goodbye Norma Jean" features legendary bimbo Misty Rowe in the titular (pun intended) role. One of the most amazing things about this softcore production is that it is rated R, rather then X. One can only imagine the scenes that are cut to make this film available to minors who are accompanied by an adult.

This shamelessly trashy movie is the epitome of a film that would not be made today. The portrayal of Hollywood elite shamelessly using aspiring stars as live sex dolls quickly would incur the wrath of every feminist group. 

The primary focus of this one is the shameless exploitative behavior of movers-and-shakers toward our aspiring and subsequently successful star. A fairly explicit early scene has a traffic cop brutally force himself on a mostly pure Norma Jean in return for not giving her a ticket. This encounter also introduces our star to her knight-in-shining armor who continues to ride in on his white steed to rescue his not-so-innocent damsel-in-distress.

The not-ready-for primetime elements include a blatant rape by a man whose well-known reputation for that crime is merely winked at. We also get a scene in which a studio executive merely drops trou, and Marilyn knows that any chance of being cast requires removing her white gloves and getting on her knees. Her dramatic monologue that is intended to shame her exploiter only seems to turn him on. 

Another memorable scene has a butch lady executive lure Monroe to her home for the pretense of running lines. Although modern audiences know what is coming, our star learning that some women can play as rough as the boys further erodes her innocence. 

The DVD bonus materials include lighter material. An episode of "The Jack Benny Show" has Monroe appear in a daydream in which Benny fantasizes about that Hollywood newcomer.

The big picture regarding our feature presentations is that it takes the "True Hollywood Story" approach to the life of Monroe to a more tawdry level. We also receive confirmation that our mothers are too blame for our later trauma-and-drama, that our adolescent experiences also largely determine our adult lives, and that fame does cost. 

The even bigger pictures is that both male and females stars always have (and still must a lesser extent) do their time on the casting couches of the studio "suits" of both sexes if they want to join the "some that you recognize and some that you hardly even heard of" who get their stars on Hollywood Boulevard.

Preparing For a Winter of Comfortable Isolation

 

For those of us with an "underlying condition" that causes us to get "real sick real easy," March 2023 will mark three years of wearing masks most of the time and having our pockets bulge with hand sanitizer and anti-septic wipes. A personal note is that these many ounces of prevention has kept your not-so-humble-reviewer Covid-free the entire pandemic.

This also has involved absolutely no human contact since all this began. A horrific 2018 hospital stay and throwing up all over the bathroom floor and sitting on those cold tiles at 4:30 a.m. before recovering enough to clean up that mess in November 2021 were enough to train friends to flash the peace sign as greetings and goodbyes. 

A big part of these precautions is winters of comfortable isolation that require spending most time at home and NEVER going in a store from mid-December until at least mid-March. This necessitates relying on the kindness of not-so-strangers to bring us highly perishable items. 

YOU ARE THERE 

The bigger picture this winter is the principle that it is not safe for anyone to go back into the Whole Foods. A personal experience is knowing two people who recently got Covid for the first time despite being properly boosted and taking other standard precautions. They unknowingly spread the disease before realizing that their condition was more serious than a bad cold. 

On a larger level, we have a tridemic and many people are taking barely any precautions. An insidious "insult" that is added to this "injury" is that retailers (especially grocery stores) are cutting their expenses by grossly understaffing checkout lines. This is coercing shoppers to use filthy self-serve checkout lines that are proven health hazards.

Your not-so-humble-reviewer realizes that he is fortunate to have adequate funds to stock up on needs and several wants for a few months and to own a mid-size home with a large basement. 

However, many folks with more limited means and smaller homes can adapt by mostly limiting their food supply to pastas, jarred sauces, and other non-perishables. They also can (as they already likely are doing) rely on heavily discounted streaming services, rather than a library of more than (largely used) 10,000 DVD and Blu-ray sets, for entertainment. The ad-free Hulu option is a personal fave. 

The final substitute is opting for an e-reader subscription over a large library of (largely used) books. Getting library books and DVDs that may be as badly contaminated as a self-checkout touchscreen is not advised. 

For the record, your not-so-humble reviewer is not a glutton. He is 5'8" and 150 pounds. He also consistently rides his Nordictrak bike at a mid-setting for an hour every other day. 

EXPERIENTIAL LEARNING

The unknown number of times that people have burned their hands on stoves or electrocuted themselves by sticking something in an outlet proves that we do not truly know something until we personally experience it. The most relevant personal example this time is that once was enough regarding taking out a cookie sheet that was being stored in an oven after that device was preheated.

The hope that the third time will be the charm as to the (hopefully last) third winter of comfortable isolation involves learning from mistakes. A desire to ride out any illness in the winter of 2020-21 resulted in throwing out $60 worth of expired NyQuil in September 2022. Roughly 90 granola bars from last winter got tossed a few weeks later. 

The lesson goes behind this guilt-inducing waste. The sound principle is to be prepared but to not go overboard. A related concept is having what will bring you joy at a time that the larger world cannot provide it. 

Merely having medicine if needed and every meal being a good one are two of the best experiences ever. Knowing that I have enough Trader Joe's holiday treats, including iced and blinged out shortbread cookies and curiously strong peppermint meringues, to last through March helps make the next few months bearable. 

BEST OF TIMES AND WORST OF TIMES

Long experience has taught me that "special" movies and "treat" food are very therapeutic regarding both really bad days and have something to which to really look forward. Having ample supplies of these desired items make a winter of comfortable isolation bearable.

A triple-wrapped frozen portion of loved moist and buttermilky chicken tenders and french fries and rewatching the indie comedy "Such Good People" were needed after an aggravating day of arguing with Macy's overseas reps regarding a package that they refused to acknowledge had been jammed up. (Of course, Macy's sent an inquiry that night and the package got put back in the pipeline two days later.) 

Decades of many Friday nights involving eating out and going to a movie is behind pulling Trader Joe's fare and other mid-range prepared foods from the auxiliary freezrer and digging into a stash of physical-media versions of recent releases at the end of every workweek. Knowing that that is coming really helps make it through each week.

This nurturing extends to having a large supply of spa-quality personal care products. Although the good folks at the UK-based ThisWorks sell the really good stuff, discount-chain Marshalls often has excellent stuff for $5 or so. A personal supply of Bliss products is proof of this. 

A morning shower with a high-end body wash is the next best thing to an as-needed evening shower with a relaxing body wash and then getting into flannel boxers, thick flannel pajama pants with an animal print., a long-sleeved t-shirt, and a warm ratty robe. Every night ends with ThisWorks pillow spray helping get a sound sleep on quality bedding that is well worth a few extra bucks. 

BABY I CAN DRIVE MY CAR

Two related lessons from the early days of the pandemic are that a car that is not regularly driven will get a dead battery and that take-out meals can bring great short- and long-term glee.

Even before our new normal, many mid-range chain restaurants had loyalty programs and family meals as well as decent curbside take-out services. 

Ordering ahead provides a good excuse to get fresh air and give your car some exercise ("Speed Buggy" varoom-a-zoom-zoom sound effects are optional) and to bring  home fresh food. A roughly $60-dollar family meal will provide a single person roughly one week of  nicely anticipated tasty dinners and usually will bring a loyalty account at least 50-percent of the way toward a reward. 

Driving other loops without getting out of your car also provides man and machine needed time outside the house. 

WRAP UP 

The bottom line this time is that we live in unprecedent times in which the greater world seems to be throwing increasing misery at us. This requires a Blitz mentality of keeping calm and carrying on at home as much as feasible while bombs fall all around.